[Warning: It's long and it's real. I spill; there's no sugar-coating here.]
The last few months of my work transition journey have been coloured with action, many steps outside of my comfort zone, much needed rest, joyful disbelief at the prospect of being paid to do such fulfilling work, and frustration at the fact that it's still a "prospect" at this point in time and not yet reality.
I'm dealing with questions related to my relationship with money, independence and marriage, and vulnerability. I expected the money issues to crop up (they did a long time ago), but I wasn't ready for the rest.
This checkpoint is an honest, raw braindump of transition-related "truths", as they stand today:
~ Truth is, by focusing on my dream of creating work that supports the life I want to live, we're putting D.'s dream of home ownership on hold. Truth is, I feel guilty about that.
~ Truth is, I want to own a home too. Maybe even that funky 1950s one with the vaulted ceiling, oodles of natural light, greenhouse and faux pine-panelled "conservatory"; the one that I noticed about a month ago, that D. noticed this week, listed at a lower price. Truth is, until I bring in revenue, it's most likely not going to happen (but I'm open to options, Universe!).
~ Truth is, I still believe - perhaps naively - that one dream doesn't have to come at the expense of the other. It may just be a question of timing; I'm a little impatient, that's all. Patience isn't one of my fortes.
~ Truth is, I'm a little disappointed at the speed at which I am working. I'm a slow, methodical worker - also sometimes known as a perfectionist, which means I don't "ship out" very quickly. I want to experiment with quicker production. I am not afraid to work hard at a sustainable capacity.
I could always take up the bagpipe...
~ Truth is, I'm still proud of all the things I did produce this year: a mailing list with consistent mailouts, a Monthly Planning Kit (sign up for the mailing list and it's yours, FREE!), a Facebook page, a pilot workshop called Creating Intentional Spaces, twice-a-week blog posts, consultations on workshop planning and key content messaging for presentations, beta consultations for my upcoming Get Clear, Get Moving offerings, new artwork and a renewed online shop, the basic structure of a new website (coming soon), specific money and marketing goals, a guest post here and a new regular contribution here, and deeper relationships with kindreds who are on a similar journey. I write this not to boast, but to acknowledge how far I've come. It's how I give myself the encouragement that I need.
~ Truth is, I can't wait to get to work in the morning. I love what I'm doing. I also love working from home and having the flexibility to set my own work hours.
~ Truth is, I want to make this work. Really badly. On some days I waver in my belief that it can be done; luckily on most, I'm optimistic.
~ Truth is, I don't know how it's all going to turn out and when I stop to think about it, that makes me very uncomfortable. So I continue plugging away and doing whatever I can do that's within my control. I also practice faith. It doesn't always come easily.
~ Truth is, it's a fine line between acknowledging the lows and what they're trying to tell me, and dwelling on them. Thankfully, I bounce back much faster than I did even six months ago. Much, much faster.
~ Truth is, I get excited at the thought of all the projects I want to make real! And I do believe many of them have the potential to create revenue. This excites me even more.
~ Truth is, this is one of the deepest personal learning experiences since my divorce. That's not necessarily a bad thing.
~ Truth is, I think I am worthy of work that fulfills me and allows me to live a life that is rich (not just financially), healthy and meaningful. I will give this transition everything I've got.
~ Truth is, I think you're worthy of it too.